i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
