Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
