she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
