Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My vagina just recognized that song.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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