His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
