This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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