I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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