Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
