I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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