My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
