Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
