ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
