my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
