party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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