I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
