shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I forget how to act sober
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