You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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