some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
