i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
