Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
