My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
