the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All the doctor said was why
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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