Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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