It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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