There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
