i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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