do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
