I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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