His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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