So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
