If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
