I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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