I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
