these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
