did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
