Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
