M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
