ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
