the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
