Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
