Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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