I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
