my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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