There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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