Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
