Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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