I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Randomize
