At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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