is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
