Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
