My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we're so committed to being not committed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
