neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
