bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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